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On the general condition, and the need for the reanimation of Mr. Clarence Darrow

Maybe soon we can just clone him, but something’s gotta be done soon. The county where the Scopes trial took place almost 80 years ago wants to codify homosexuality as a crime against nature (via dph). In other news, the county commissioners are also seeking a mix of private and public funding to develop Ig’nantWorld, a family-oriented theme park where the main attraction will be a intricate system of levers, pulleys, blinds and sundials which are used to prove that the sun does in fact revolve around the earth. There will also be a plethora of fun carnival games like Queer Shoot and Dunk-A-Heathen.

Today’s proceedings are inane, but y’all know nothing gets my blood boiling like creationism. I could rant for hours, but anything I could say about it is said better in Inherit The Wind, though the actual trial proceedings have moments of beauty as well:

DARROW: What do you think?
BRYAN: I do not think about things I don’t think about.
DARROW: Do you think about things you do think about?
BRYAN: Well, sometimes.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that’s William Jennings Bryan, three-time Democratic nominee for President (1896, 1900, 1908). His legacy lives on today.

Sumner, that shit ain’t right.

I’m sure most of you know that CBS has refused to air the winner of MoveOn.org’s Bush in 30 Seconds contest during the Super Bowl, ostensibly because “their policy originated in the 1950’s and prohibited the showing of advertisements that took stands on controversial public-policy issues” (NYT). First and foremost, any policy on what is acceptable for public viewing made in the ’50s ought to be looked at very skeptically today. I’m sure the ad wouldn’t have aired back then because it would be seen as Communist sympathizing. Second, they think that accepting anti-drug ads from the ONDCP, which is beholden to the White House, is OK because you can’t find any “responsible people who are for drug abuse…or teenagers seeking to smoke”. I also can’t find anyone who is for “budget abuse” or governments “seeking to exercise absolutely no fiscal discipline”, but I sure as hell can find people who are against the War on Drugs and anti-smoking regulations. To claim that such issues lack controversy is at best completely ignorant and worst an insidious undermining of the freedom of the press. These shitheel network executives will go running to the FCC to protect their precious spectrum, claiming they require protection because they serve a public good, but they crap all over the idea of public access to their medium. Then, they will whine about Tivo and other DVR technologies depressing ad values by allowing people to fast-forward through ads they don’t like, but they turn down $4 million for two spots (I know they don’t really need the money, but they ought to stop complaining).

MoveOn is running an online petition (via Lessig Blog) to get them to change their mind. I know that online petitions are 99% bullshit, and even less effective, but honestly, it’s all any of us are gonna do about this. It’s simply the easiest way to add your voice to the chorus, and if it’s too easy for people to jump on the bandwagon, then I guess that’s a sight better than it being too hard.

The robot cyber-killer elite will come for you. You have been warned.

From the Atlantic online:

The conspiracy geeks and Area 51 obsessives are right—the U.S. government is heavily invested in research projects that brush the borders of science fiction. But many of those ventures aren’t top secret, so long as you’re willing to wade through the latest budget statement for the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, or DARPA, which contains funding estimates for various projects, including some distinctly sinister-sounding ones. The spookiest of these is probably the “Brain Machine Interface Program,” which promises to “create new technologies for augmenting human performance through the ability to access neural codes in the brain in real time and integrate them into peripheral device or system operations.” In other words, if the project pans out (a rather large “if,” to be sure), the soldier of the future will be a functional telepath, controlling equipment from a distance and perhaps even communicating “brain-to-brain” with his fellow soldiers. This may sound implausible, but an article about the project in the journal Nature reports that experiments on rats and monkeys have already yielded remarkable results: electrodes were implanted in the animals’ motor cortexes, and when neurons in that region of the brain fired in certain patterns, the electrodes successfully transmitted a signal to operate a simple lever or robot arm. Meanwhile, neuroscientists in another part of the same program are attempting to transmit sounds and images directly into the brain’s auditory cortex, and a third group is aiming to discover whether parts of the human brain can be replaced by silicon microchips. Such “memory implants” could enable the military to insert combat experience into a soldier’s head—creating, with the other projects, the possibility that a fighter pilot could “upload” his training and then fly a plane from the ground, all the while following orders beamed from headquarters directly to his brain.

As Dan put it, “Pretty neat stuff.” It’s true; there’s nothing like the fulfillment of the Terminator-Matrix prophecies to get you up in the morning. I, for one, welcome our new cyberdeathmachine overlords and look forward to my grandchildren’s eventual enslavement. Computers are far better than people, and it’s high time we let them assimilate us.

But seriously, Marzipan. This is not the first serious attempt at crazy neural link cybernetics, nor is it that impressive yet, compared to some recent successes. Nevertheless, dipping into the DoD’s bottomless cash pit is certain to bear fruit eventually. I’m generally in support of anything DARPA wants to spend money on; they gave us the internet, and that puts them up there with Prometheus in my book. I mean, their biggest waste of funds so far was the Star Wars program, and that involved space lasers, so it was still pretty cool.

Actually important.

OK, maybe not life-threatening, but by now most of you have heard about the number portability rules for cell phone carriers that are supposed to go into effect November 24th. This is most certainly a Good Thing, and yet it is a very fragile initiative. The change was supposed to have been implemented twice in the past, and both times the industry got an extension/reprieve from the FCC. It now seems possible that Congress may excuse them from this requirement or they will simply ignore it. What they will not ignore, however, is their ability to put a number portability surcharge on your bill. Most of us are already paying for portability. We should in no uncertain terms be provided with it on November 24th, 2003.

Please send Consumer Report’s form letter regarding this to your representatives.

Classical things

[Ed. note- this is being reposted as it was never properly open for comments]

Arthur has put me on to Chopin’s Nocturnes, and at the moment I’m feeling them pretty hard. Chopin has always been one of my favorite composers, and his Ballade No. 4 in Fm might be my favorite piece of classical music ever. Perhaps I shall make a t-shirt to proclaim my allegiance; maybe something like “The Fighting Polish”, if I can find a picture of Mr. C in a properly pugilistic stance, and then I’ll put “Punks jump up to get diminished” on the back (I coulda been a great music nerd if only I was any good at playing).

But I digress. I’m sitting here thinking about what ‘classical’ really means, because navel-gazing is the most appropriate activity when riding the Metro North, or at least it beats yakking on a cell phone.
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